Why You Need a Trauma-Informed Coach

You might be surprised to hear that most people experience a traumatic event at some time in their lives. A traumatic event is generally characterized as something that creates intense fear and a sense of powerlessness or helplessness. A person may feel like their life or the lives of others are in danger. It can be a single episode or a chronic situation like ongoing abuse or poverty. Trauma is not the event itself but how we respond to it, based on our perception of it. For instance, two people may experience the exact same car accident and have no injuries. One person walks away with a sigh of relief and has no lingering effects. But the other person experiences intense anxiety and panic attacks at the thought of driving again. The second person suffers distress for a long time after the accident. The difference was not in the event but how each person perceived or experienced the event. Not only can the original event cause distress, but reminders of the event or “triggers” can bring up those same feelings of distress.

The good news is that most people who experience a traumatic event will not develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (a diagnosable mental health injury). However, it is normal and common to have traumatic stress reactions after a traumatic experience. And coaches must be not only informed about trauma but they are sensitive to its impact on the client.

Coaches who do not recognize trauma responses in their clients are at risk of missing valuable information that will impact their client’s growth journey. Even worse, the coach may act in ways that exacerbate the trauma, creating unnecessary pain and suffering for the client. Ethical coaching standards should include training in trauma-informed care for every practitioner.

Here’s an example of why clients need a trauma-informed coach:

Julie comes to coaching with a desire to be more assertive. She’s unhappy with her lack of confidence at work and in social situations. Sandy, her coach, jumps right in, working with Julie to develop practical and measurable goals and new assertiveness skills. She encourages Julie in the progress she is making. However, Sandy is baffled by Julie’s resistance to practicing the skills with her boss. Every time Julie encounters her boss, she freezes up and cannot say any of the things they practiced together in the session. Julie can be assertive and confident in every other relationship now, except this one. She’s becoming more and more discouraged, and frankly, so is Sandy. Sometimes Julie can feel Sandy’s frustration and becomes withdrawn and quiet in the coaching session. Eventually, despite her many gains, Julie quits coaching and abandons her ideas of becoming more confident and assertive. She withdraws from social interaction and limits herself to work and home.

How might this look from a trauma-informed coaching model?

First, Sandy would intentionally create a safe coaching environment for Julie. This means she would:

• Strive to build trust with her client and create a place where the client feels secure by
  • Fully explaining the coaching process.Making sure Julie understands the limits and unique features of coaching.Answering questions honestly and clearly.Being transparent, ethical, and acting with integrity -avoiding dual or questionable client relationships.Maintaining her certifications and engaging in ongoing professional and educational development.Maintaining confidentiality and protecting the privacy of her client’s information.Obtaining consultation and supervision and practicing appropriate assessment and self-reflection.Communicating clearly about any changes or new information.
  • Obtaining true informed consent on all documents -meaning Julie clearly understands them.

Second, Sandy would:

• Understand the basics of trauma -what it is and what can help.
• Offer choices to empower the client, and being aware of the danger of control. Sandy would take care not be directive in the relationship.
• Work in ways that emphasize mutuality and collaboration – the coach and client are co-laborers in the coaching process. As a coach, Sandy would not try to “fix” her client. She would come alongside in a supportive and encouraging posture.
• Be sensitive to historical, cultural, and gender diversity issues. No one is a blank slate. We are impacted by our personal, family, and community histories, our cultures, and our gender. A coach needs to acknowledge these issues in the coaching relationship.

So, let’s try the story again, this time with Sandy being the amazing trauma-informed coach that she is!

Sandy doesn’t assume she knows Julie’s history but wants to be sensitive. Instead of assuming Julie’s lack of confidence stems from lack of skill or motivation, Sandy considers that Julie could be feeling afraid. When it comes to Julie’s boss, Sandy might ask if there is any way the boss makes Julie feel unsafe. For the sake of this story, let’s say Julie answers Yes. The boss speaks loudly and is very critical, just like her father.

As coaches, we are NOT acting in the role of a therapist (even though, these days, many of us now have training in counseling). Coaching is its own lane. Yet, we hear these this-could-be-therapy stories all the time. Julie has revealed a clue that can help Sandy as her coach. Sandy does not have to engage in therapy by digging into Julie’s past with her father. However, Sandy DOES need to be sensitive that Julie’s relationship with her father may be a source of trauma and pain that still impacts Julie today. It matters. It is a trigger for Julie. Whenever she encounters her boss, she is reminded of negative interactions with her father. Her heart starts racing, she feels nauseous, her palms are sweaty, and she feels lightheaded. It’s all she can do not to run out of the room, which would be unthinkable. So, what does Julie’s brain do to protect her instead? It freezes. She can’t speak, or at least not much. She stands frozen in the torrent of her boss’s angry tirades and musters a nod when he finishes. She cannot practice any of the girl-on-fire phrases she and Sandy practiced last week.

Sandy thoughtfully considers this new information through her trauma-informed coaching lens. She might ask Julie what she experiences during these encounters with her boss. Does she notice any changes in herself? As Julie describes her racing heart and other somatic symptoms – ending in a freeze state, Sandy is alert to signs of a trauma response. At this point, Sandy knows that until she can help Julie learn some good grounding techniques, any further coaching in assertiveness will be useless.

The two sit together, and Sandy carefully explains to Julie that what she is experiencing sounds like a normal traumatic stress reaction. At this point, Sandy should very briefly describe this process and common reactions people experience. I like to use the Polyvagal ladder (thank you, Deb Dana).  Sandy can reassure Julie that although it feels overwhelming and confusing, it is a common physiological response when our brain senses “danger.” They can both laugh together at the idea that Julie’s blowhard boss is a “danger,” but then Sandy can point out that something about his behavior reminds Julie’s brain of very stressful situations with her father in the past. Her brain is doing what it’s supposed to do and protecting her. And in this case, it thinks freezing is the best option.

Now, rather than digress into counseling, Sandy needs to maintain a coaching posture. At this point, she can ask Julie if she feels like learning some simple ways to help calm her body when she begins to feel this distress.  If Julie is interested, Sandy can explain the basics of trauma and some simple grounding techniques. She can ask Julie if any of the grounding techniques sound like something she’d like to try. Throughout all of this, Sandy can notice any signs that Julie is in distress. If not, they can practice the techniques together. They can discuss the signs Julie notices in her body before she “freezes” and decide on how Julie will implement practicing the techniques beforehand. They can also brainstorm other ideas of things that might help Julie move back to a more safe and more connected state.

Once Julie has had opportunities to practice the grounding techniques, finding the unique things that help her feel safe and connected, she can once more engage heartily in the coaching process. If Sandy notices that Julie is struggling with past issues, like her relationship with her father, she can encourage Julie to meet with a therapist. Therapy plus coaching can be a very healthy combination for recovery and growth if both practitioners are trauma-informed. Either way, coaches are responsible for learning about trauma and being trauma-sensitive in their practice. You can learn more at www.calmharborconsulting.com